I Know How To Raise A Teenager....NOT!!!!

The Bottom Line I don't have a recommendation on how to raise teenagers. Just show your child your true self. They need to see you are human, too. Is there really anybody who knows how to raise a teenager? I know, stupid question. But, it seems as if there are so many people - professionals and parents who claim, "This is how you do it." I have read, viewed, listened and thought about this issue for several years now and I have come to the firm conclusion.....Nobody knows how to raise a teenager! I look back often to my teen years.

1. Clothes were so important.

2. Makeup was a large battle.

3. Boys, boys, boys!! (the older the more exciting)

4. "I can't wait until I turn 18 and can move out!!"

5. When I get my license......

6. Who needs history to get a job?

7. The phone is as important as a healthy body.

8. That won't happen to me!

9. "If you love me you'll 'do it'!"

10. My parents just don't understand me!! They live on another planet. and the list goes on......

Now, I look at my 15-year-old son Justin and realize (even though I live on another planet than he) the issues are the same. And if I look back even further to my parents' generation the issues are still the same on another level. And I sit with him and tell him this as he rolls his eyes I have watched the "skeletons" fall from the closet as the door opens wider and wider over the years in our society. Issues of date rape, homosexuality, anorexia, suicide, drugs, crime, gangs, sex, and alcohol have all become the focus of our teens as the decades evolve. Everywhere we look there are billboards, TV commercials, talk shows, magazine articles, games, classroom subjects, that pound messages of self esteem and morals into teenagers. But what ever happened to family discussions over the dinner table? What ever happened to, "As a family these are the rules that are acceptable and must be followed?" What ever happened to, "Mom, I need to talk?" What ever happened to, "Son, I am here for you."? As I watch my son's generation grow I witness a group of "children" so overloaded with complicated messages from our ever-aware society that sometimes baffles me. I feel so ignorant when I watch 20/20 on a topic of teen suicide. And if I pay attention to all the signs of this epidemic I can pick out a few symptoms I see in my son. This is the same with all critical nemeses. And I panic! Is my son using drugs? Is he gay? Is he having sex? And if he is, is he using a condom? Go ahead and ask your teen these questions. The response is always the same - "Mooommm!" So we give them space to mature and make wise decisions hoping we don't become societies next sad statistic.

There is no proven method to raise a teenager just as there isn't a manual handed out at birth. There never has been and there never will be. There are suggestions, opinions and tried and true old-fashioned values but each child is different and not everything works on one as it did on the others. It's ironic and I'm sure teens would find this amusing, but we as adults face the very same issues of inadequacy as they do. And we are just as unsure of the "right thing" as they are. Even more so, we feel just as misunderstood and confused as adults and face most of the same fears in our own way. Realistically speaking, we really haven't "grown up" as adulthood describes. If anything, our teen years are simply extended for the next 50 years or so. I recall a conversation my son and I had a year ago that left a remarkable impression in my mind. We were arguing about why he didn't tell me where he was going. He said to me, " Mom, why do you get so frustrated when I screw up?" I thought about this for a few minutes and could only provide this answer. "I try so hard to do the right thing. When you don't respect my rules I feel as if "I have screwed up. And this delays my personal growth." he looked at me for a long time and smiled. He hugged me and said, "I feel the same way, too." We don't have the perfect relationship and regardless of all the degreed experts, no family does. I apologize to him when I a wrongly accuse him; I let him see my imperfections and frustrations; He knows I am not perfect. And as much as I may preach the "right thing" even though it's different than the "other kids" he knows without a shadow of a doubt, I love him, which is something you can't get from a book.